#AND THAT STUPID BIRD AT THE END WHO COST ME MULTIPLE ATTEMPTS

[youreacowgirllikeme]

Time Will Tell: Part Three

note: this is for @peppermintschnappss , who requested a part three (read part ONE and TWO here) so here we go, enjoy :)

words: 3k

warnings: swearing, smut

“The jury finds the defendant not guilty of the accused charges.“

Hearing the verdict felt like the biggest weight had just dropped off your shoulders, you were so relieved that you could barely make out the judge dismissing the court over the sound of your pulse hammering in your ears.

You had just won your first case for your new employer, it had been the first client you had dealt with all on your own, a case of alleged tax fraud, and you had nailed it.

With a big smile on your face, you quickly congratulated your client and, after a short talk with the prosecutor, made your way out of the courtroom, a spring in your step.

Just before you reached the door, the sound of a familiar voice behind you made you stop in your tracks.

“You did it, champ.”

Turning around, you came face to face with your colleague, but more importantly, boyfriend, Chris.

You were surprised to see him, and immediately threw your hands around his neck to kiss him, not caring about the fact that you were technically still in the court room.

“Chris, what are you doing here? Did you watch the trial?” You asked after breaking the kiss.

“Of course I did. It was your first one for the firm, I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Actually, I’m here to pick you up. We’re celebrating.”

+++

“You did this all by yourself?”

You took in the living room of Chris apartment with wide eyes. He had put up a beautiful dinner table, and there was a delicious smell coming from the kitchen.

“You’re such a sap.” You said, a bit choked up. „Thank you so much, baby. “

“Only for you, superstar.” Chris replied, leaning down to kiss you deeply. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pressed your body to his. He was warm and solid, and when his hands wandered down to squeeze your ass, dinner wasn’t your top priority anymore.

"Do you think we can maybe re-heat the food later?” You gasped against Chris lips, pulling his shirt out of his trousers to run your hands over his abs.

“Fuck, yes.” he murmured, grabbing your hand and dragging you to the bedroom.

+++

“Oooh here she comes, trying for the outside jump.” Chris exclaimed, before bursting out laughing as you totally missed the hoop.

“Sweetheart, I‘m so sorry, but that was pathetic.”

You flipped him the bird, running to collect the ball and throwing it at Chris with all the force you could manage. He effortlessly caught it and shot it through the hoop like it was nothing.

“Show-off.” you murmured, sitting down on the bench on the side of the basketball court. You were done, Chris had tried to teach you his favorite game for hours now, but you didn’t manage to make any progress. You just weren’t cut out for ball sports.

“Don’t beat yourself up, baby. It took me forever when I first started playing.” Chris said, slumping down next to you and wrapping his arm around your shoulder to pull your close.

“Stop it, im gross and sweaty.” You giggled, trying to push him away, but he just laughed and pressed a kiss to your head. His laugh was your favorite sound in the world, so you stopped wriggling and leaned against his shoulder.

“Who taught you to play like that anyway?” you asked, looking up and noticing a far away look on Chris‘ face.

“My dad did.” He said, his voice oddly quiet now. “It was our favorite activity when I was a teenager.” He paused for a moment, and you decided to wait and let him speak. “For a long time, it basically was our only one. You know, with him being governor and everything, he wasn’t around a lot, or had any free time.”

“I’m sorry, Chris.” you whispered.

“It’s alright.” He dismissed you, still sounding a bit strained. “My big brother stepped up for a lot of stuff, you know. Homework, making sure I didn’t get in trouble, he even helped me with my college applications and everything. He’s an ass most off the time, but I still love him, and I’m grateful for everything he has done for me.” He chuckled. “But he can’t play basketball for shit.”

“Sounds like he and I have something in common then.” You noted, trying not to sound awkward. The topic of Chris’ family was still foreign terrain, you hadn’t met them yet, and had decided to give Chris space and wait for him to bring it up himself. You were also slightly nervous, because there was no way Chris hadn’t told them about you, his college nemesis.

Deciding to change the topic and cheer your boyfriend up, you picked up the ball again.

“Do you still have enough energy for another round, Cuomo?” You asked smugly. “If you’d rather go home and take a nap, just say so, would be totally fine.”

Chris laughed, and snatched the ball right out of your hands with ease. You were happy to see him lighten up.

“Please, as if playing against you would require any energy.”

+++

The topic of Chris childhood didn’t come up for another few weeks, you had noticed that he avoided talking about it and were wise enough not to pressure him.

Everything was going fine until Chris lost a big case for a very high-end client. The man had clearly been guilty, and not even your boyfriend had been able to get him out, despite his talent as an attorney.

It was the talk off the whole firm the next day, Chris hadn’t lost a case in ages, and never such an important one. He had been on edge ever since the trial, but it was what happened in the morning meeting that made him snap.

The reason was Smith, another associate and Chris’ number one opponent for the spot of the next junior partner of the firm. You hated the guy, he was vile and clearly only in it for the money. He couldn’t keep his mouth shut, and started to attack Chris during the morning meeting.

“Great job you did yesterday, Cuomo.” he snarled, his voice sounding through the whole conference room. “I wonder how many clients your incompetence will cost us. People are already talking.”

You could feel Chris going rigid beside you and carefully put your hand on his back in an attempt to calm him.

“Don’t let him get to you.” You whispered “He wants to rile you up.”

When the man continued to speak, you could see Chris’ jaw going tense, which was never a good sign.

“Seriously, boss, Cuomo is a basket case, how is he still working for us after that fuck-up? Oh, wait, I know it, I’m sure daddy pulled some strings for his little boy.”

You couldn’t prevent what was happening next. Chris surged forward with a angry growl, already taking a swing at the guy.

“Shut your fucking mouth!” he hissed, backing Smith up against a wall. He was considerably larger, and the fearful expression on the guys face paired with Chris raised fist made chaos break loose as multiple people were trying to get him away from the smaller man.

“Gentlemen, stop this!” your boss thundered over the agitated voices of your fellow coworkers “Smith, see me right away. I won’t tolerate this kind of behavior. Cuomo, take a walk and then get to work. Come to my office after you’re done tonight.”

Chris gave Smith another deadly stare before storming out of the room. You shot your boss an anxious glance, but he just nodded, signalling you to go after Chris.

You hastily followed your boyfriend, only to see him disappear into his office at the end of the hallway. Carefully, you approached the closed door and entered without knocking.

Chris was slumped in his chair, face buried in his hands. Seeing him like this made you want to go back and punch Smith in his stupid face.

“Hey.” you whispered, gently reaching out to put your hand on Chris shoulder.

He raised his head, and the look of fury and sadness in his eyes almost broke your heart.

"Fuck, I should not have lost control like this back in there.” he said “But this guy has been testing me for so long now, always with the same bullshit.”

He got up from his chair and started pacing around the small room.

“You know how often I’ve heard this crap before, Y/N? That I’m just where I am because of my family name? That my father paved the way for everything I’ve ever succeeded in?”

You swallowed, a churning feeling in your stomach. You knew exactly what he was talking about, because for years you’ve been one of the main people saying just that. You wanted to speak, but Chris interrupted you.

“Those people out there, they know nothing about me. They don’t know how it was to have a father who was absent all the time, to be constantly teased in school. To be ripped out of the life you knew to move to fucking Albany, this stupid one horse town where everyone knew your name, and go to this school full of pricks who all made fun of me and bullied me because of my family. I never asked to be in the fucking spotlight.”

By now, Chris was almost screaming, and there was a kind of emotion in his voice you’ve never heard before, he sounded desperate and sad in a way that made tears well up in your eyes.

“Still, I worked my ass off in that stupid school, and I got into Yale. Only for people to say the exact same shit about me again, and this drags through my whole life, Y/N. I can never get rid of this, I avoided politics and tried to do my own thing here, but everything I’ll ever be to people is the son of the fucking governor, who in their eyes, never worked a day in his life.”

You were frozen to your spot, just watching Chris through a veil of tears. Guilt and dread were clawing in your stomach, it had never occurred to you that all the things you said in the past had not only been far from the thruth, but had also hurt Chris so profoundly. He had always seemed so cool and unfazed during your arguments.

“Chris.” You began. “You’re more to me. You’re a brilliant attorney, the boss has talked about how great you are at the job the second I arrived here and hasn’t stopped since. Smith is jealous because he knows he’ll never reach your level, not as a lawyer and much less as a person. You are kind, and the most intelligent and dedicated man I know. You’re everything I always thought you weren‘t, and that I am one of the people who hurt you this way makes me sick. I cant even begin to tell you how sorry I am for being so shallow.”

You were crying now, tears rolling down your face. Chris looked devastated, hurrying to you to pull you into a tight embrace.

“I’ve forgiven you a long time ago, baby. You’ve been my rock ever since we’ve met again, and that makes up for every silly row we had in college.” He pressed a kiss to your hair, and you sighted, nuzzling your face into his chest, your tears soaking into his dress shirt.

“You probably have to change this.” You whispered, tugging on a wet patch on the fabric.

“I have a spare one in here, don’t worry.” Chris replied, taking your face into his hands to kiss you deeply. “We’re not the people we used to be, Y/N. Don’t beat yourself up, and I’ll try to do the same, promise.”

+++

Soon afterwards, you had to leave to meet up with a client for your current case. You had been running around the whole day without a break, and without hearing anything from Chris.

It was almost eight by now, and you were starting to get worried. Pacing your living room, you were anxiously waiting for Chris to arrive. He had told you to not wait up at the firm but promised to come to your apartment as soon as his talk with the boss was over.

The sign of the bell made you spin around and run to your door, yanking it open. Chris was standing outside your apartment, and the big smile on his face erased your anxiety in a heartbeat.

“You’re looking at a freshly promoted junior partner, sweetheart.” He grinned, and whatever he wanted to say next was interrupted by you throwing yourself at him, wrapping your arms around his neck with a squeal.

“Oh my god, baby, congratulations.” You exclaimed, pressing a kiss to his lips. “Tell me everything!”

Chris followed you into your flat, discarding his suit jacket and letting himself fall onto your couch.

“I still haven’t fully realized what happened.” He began. “I was sure the boss would kick my ass for the way I behaved this morning, maybe even suspend me for a while. But he just told me off really quickly, and then he started talking about how that case I lost was impossible to win anyway, and how good my work has been for the past years. And then he offered me the junior partner position, just like that. I accepted of course.”

He smiled, and there was a mischievous glint in his eyes. “I can’t wait to rub that into Smiths stupid face. One of the paralegals told me he got a big ass whooping by the boss after the meeting this morning.”

"Serves him right, that little asshole.” You replied, before leaning over to kiss Chris again. “I’m so proud of you, you deserve this like no one else. Now that I think about it, how does champagne sound?”

“Wow, so were going to be fancy tonight?” Chris chuckled.

“If you becoming a junior partner doesn’t call for champagne, what does?” you responded, getting up to fetch the drinks from the kitchen.

You handed Chris a glass and clinked your own against his. “To you, Mr. Big Shot lawyer.”

The champagne sent a pleasant, fuzzy feeling through your stomach, and you let your eyes fall on your boyfriend, taking in how good he was looking in the warm light of the room.

“You know, I always had a thing for attorneys.” You murmured, setting down your glass to put your hands on Chris chest.

Chris laughed, and set his glass aside as well, leaning down to whisper in your ear. “Is that so, huh? Well today is your lucky day then, I just got promoted and I’m in the mood to celebrate.”

His hot breath sent a shiver down your spine, and you tilted your head, exposing your neck to Chris, who instantly started kissing and sucking the smooth skin. You moaned softly and started to unbutton Chris shirt with shaking fingers.

“Bedroom?” he asked, and you nodded enthusiastically, taking his hand to pull him to the other room. Both of you quickly shed your clothes before you dropped to your knees in front of Chris, closing your lips around his already hard cock.

“Jesus, Y/N.” he murmured, stroking your hair as you fully took him into your mouth. “So perfect, baby.”

You wrapped you hand around the base of his length, stroking him while moving your head up and down. Suddenly, Chris hand grabbed your hair and softly pushed you away.

“If you keep it up like that, this will be over soon, and I’m not done with you, sweetheart. Get on the bed, baby.”

You quickly complied, laying down on the duvet and looking up at Chris expectantly.

He climbed on top of you and started stroking your inner thighs with his fingers, softly nudging your legs apart.

“I bet youre already wet for me, baby.” He murmured, voice smooth and dark as his fingers dipped between your legs. “I knew it.”

“Chris.” You whined at the feeling of his fingers brushing over your clit. “Fuck me, please.”

“Patience, baby.” Chris replied and continued to tease you, softly circling your bud with increasing pressure until you were sobbing, legs shaking as you fell apart under his touch.

While you were still riding out your climax, Chris slid between your legs and pushed into you. You cried out as he started to move, you were still so sensitive that you could feel yourself already approaching the next orgasm.

“Shit, baby, you’re tight, I’m not gonna last.” Chris grunted, his thrusts were already getting more erratic.

“Let go, baby.” You whispered, your voice breaking as you reached your peak again, pulling Chris with you this time.

+++

Afterwards, you laid next to each other, Chris arm loosely slung around you as you played with a lock of his hair. His blue eyes found yours, and you had to smile, your heart fluttering when he smiled back at you.

“It’s funny.” Chris suddenly said, “So many things happened today, but the only thing I care about right now is that you’re here with me.”

He propped himself up on his elbow to properly look at you.

“I would’ve never thought that this” he gestured between the two of you “could happen.”

“Not in a thousand years.” You agreed, laughing softly.

Chris face got serious, and he reached out to softly stroke your cheek.

“If you want, I’d like to introduce you to my family this weekend, Y/N. You know that I’m a private person and talking about emotions isn’t exactly my strong suit. But you make me really happy, and I want everyone to know.”

“I’d love to meet them.” You whispered, and the smile that took over Chris face made you forget your nervousness.

Everything would be fine.

[eggymovies]

Favorite Movies of 2019

Last year I used this space to post a list and short write-up of my favorite movies of 2018. This year, I’ll be doing the same a bit. I’m not much of a writer, just someone who likes movies and wants other people to like them too.

I went to the movies 101 times and watched about 250 movies in total between the theater and home viewings. Two highlights of non-2019 movies that I discovered for the first time this year and haven’t stopped thinking or talking about: Teddy Bear (10 timer til Paradis) (available on Amazon Prime)

Somewhere (rent it on iTunes, Amazon, or anywhere)

I’d also like to use this space to praise Cold War, which was distributed after my 2018 list came out but would have made it to the top 5 of the year. An achingly romantic epic (though only 88 minutes in length) directed by Polish master-filmmaker Pawel Pawlikowski, who won the best foreign film Oscar for 2013′s Ida, Cold War depicts the tragic love story of two musicians spanning multiple decades in post-WWII Europe. It’s available for free on Amazon Prime.

Alright... here is my top 20 films of 2019 list, which changed yesterday, will change a little tomorrow, and will look completely different in a year: 20. Toy Story 4

A perfect end to a near-perfect franchise. I’m not sure anyone believed this would be more than a cash-grab, but Pixar employed it’s flagship franchise and characters to explore ideas about growing up and letting go. That might sound like a rehash TS3, but the fourth installment proved itself unique and worthy of addition to the canon. Let’s just hope Disney/Pixar ends things here. 

19. Wild Rose

One of the strongest performances of the year, Jessie Buckley is enough to vault this pretty good movie into my top 20. A troubled young woman recently released from a Scottish women’s prison attempts to follow her dream of becoming a famous Nashville country singer. If that’s not enough to compel you to watch this film (streaming on Hulu), at least watch the music video for Glasgow, an original song from the film that is also one of my favorite songs of the year. 

18. Triple Frontier

If you know me at all, you should have seen this coming. Oscar Isaac, Ben Affleck, Charlie Hunnam, Garret Hedlund and Pedro Pascal (whom Netflix is smart enough to not hide behind armor and a helmet) are former Special Forces soldiers who team up to rob a South American crime boss. What seems like a typical heist movie about one more job surprises half way through by turning into a film about survival at any cost. The Metallica needle-drop as a helicopter flies over a South American highway and mountain range all but cemented this movie’s place on this list. I have no shame.

17. Us

The first time I saw Jordan Peele’s follow-up to 2017′s breakout hit Get Out, I liked it a lot and ached for a second viewing to pick up on all the easter-eggs and deeper meaning behind his choices. On second viewing every choice was cheapened and I found that I liked it less, saddened by what I saw as shallow metaphor and an ending that ripped of Karyn Kusama’s The Invitation. Over the next month or so I found myself telling people that Us was a blast, and that it’s intention was not to be read more deeply, but simply enjoyed as a brilliantly crafted and visually stunning modern horror masterpiece. Then I forgot about it for a few months. I don’t know exactly how I feel now but I know I want to watch it again and that I think about it frequently. 

16. 1917

A lot has been said about the filmmaking and “one-take” effect employed by Roger Deakins (cinematographer) and Sam Menders (director), which is impressive and worthy of the praise it’s received, but I won’t belabor that point. What worked for me was the chemistry between the film’s stars, George MacKay and Dean-Charles Chapman, who help turn a WWI epic into a tender story about friendship and family. A necessary breath of fresh air before the film becomes a somewhat oppressive and stressful POV take on the horrors of war. 

15. A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

All hail Mariel Heller, who managed to direct America’s Dad as America’s Friendliest Neighbor without being overly saccharine or sentimental. Vanity Fair’s Kam Collins pointed out that “Close-ups on fred rogers hit different”, which was spot on. Rogers was always seen and felt from a distance, and while we spend a lot of time with him here, Heller’s film isn’t about him but rather his disarming effect on people who met and knew him. Taking the POV of the journalist who is profiling him works wonders.

14. Paddleton

This Netflix film starring Mark Duplass and Ray Romano went mostly ignored or unwatched in 2019 as far as I can tell, but I happened upon it one evening (thanks, algorithms) and was moved by it’s tenderness and Romano’s remarkable performance playing against type. Fans of Duplass’ early career as a mumblecore king will feel at home in this two-hander about best friends and neighbors navigating life as one of them is diagnosed with a terminal illness and plans for assisted-death. Me loving a move about male emotion and processing grief? Shocker. 

13. Midsommar

Speaking of grief, Midsommar hit the zeitgest in July and I’m sure if you’re reading this you already saw it or determined that it wasn’t for you. Someone on a Ringer podcast used the mixed-metaphor “Fish out of water getting shot in a barrel” which perfectly distills the events that transpire when a group of college students travel to Sweden for a midsummer festival that turns into something much, much scarier. It’s not a spoiler, you fucking know things aren’t what they seem. I could go long on Florence Pugh but she’s the performer of the year in my mind. Midsommar, Fighting With My Family (which rocks), Little Women (see below), and in late 2018 in Park Chan-wook’s adaptation of The Little Drummer Girl for AMC which was remarkable and as good as almost any film on this list. 

12. Under the Silver Lake

David Robert Mitchell followed up 2017′s excellent It Follows with this wonderfully weird paranoia soaked Los Angeles neo-noir stone flick. This film shares so much DNA with Chinatown, The Big Lebowski and Inherent Vice, but is it’s own strange exploration of the meaning (or meaningless) of life and art and the world that surrounds us. I’m still not sure I understand what the point was, if there was any at all, but I think that was also the point? You’ll understand what the means after watching the film. Or maybe you won’t. I don’t know, it’s a fun one. 

11. Atlantics

To say much about the plot of Mati Diop’s brilliant debut film Atlantics would be a disservice to anyone who hasn’t seen it. Seriously, it’s on Netflix right now and is a stunning and spooky original story that demands your attention. I can’t stress this enough, the less you know the better. Prepare to be surprised in the best way possible. 

10. Transit

Christian Petzold’s Transit is an unsettling tale about identity and one man’s struggle to find human connection while in the midst of a chaotic attempt to escape a fascist state. Franz Rogowski is hypnotic and Petzold’s choice to film this WWII story set in France without period signifiers has a dizzying effect. Watch it on Amazon Prime right now!

9. Once Upon A Time in Hollywood

There’s been enough discourse around this movie and enough writing on it that I don’t need to get into it. It’s Leo, Brad, and Robbie. It’s LA in 1969. It’s Tarantino. It’s excellent. 

8. Ad Astra

A space movie starring Brad Pitt directed by James Gray. Do I need to say anything else? A movie about a sad man who goes to space to deal with his feelings, much like my favorite film of 2018. 

7. Little Women

Set across two timelines and jumping back and forth between them, Greta Gerwig brings her uniquely nimble and manic energy to this adaption of the classic Louisa May Alcott Novel and it works perfectly. I was disappointed to hear that Gerwig’s follow-up to her perfect debut (Lady Bird) with another hollywood adaptation of Little Women but her take on the store is one of a kind. The murderers row of talent top to bottom doesn’t hurt.

6. The Irishman

I can’t believe I doubted Scorsese after seeing the first trailer for The Irishman. How stupid of me and anyone who thought his latest epic wouldn’t be necessary and singular. A brilliant and tender take on the gangster film, Martin Scorsese crafted a film that acts as a sorrowful conversation with his own life and work and the careers of the three men at the center of this story. De Niro and Pacino are incredible, but Pesci is otherworldly. Lost in the brilliance of those three titans is Stephen Graham’s hilarious and devilishly mean and charismatic supporting performance.

5. Parasite

Nearly unanimous praise has been showered on Bong Joon-ho’s Parasite, and this masterpiece is somehow still underrated. It’s funny and thrilling and perfect. I don’t need to convince you, you’ve already heard it all. If you haven’t seen it, go now. If you have seen it, see it again.

4. Pain & Glory

Pain & Glory is a brightly colored and tender reflection on the director’s childhood and ouvre. Banderas’ awe-inspiring turn as a stand-in for the director, master Spanish filmmaker Pedro Almodóvar, is smart and sweet and devastating.

3. Marriage Story

I love Noah Baumbach’s films (Frances Ha, Meyerowitz Stories, Kicking and Screaming), unless I hate them (Greenberg, Mistress America, Margot at the Wedding). And even when I hate them, I revisit them constantly and think about them with more frequency than many movies I love. He already made one of the best divorce films ever (The Squid and the Whale) and redirects his acerbic wit and cynical view of people’s motivations and love toward the process of uncoupling (and to some extent, the city of LA). There’s something ultimately hopeful and light about Baumbach’s view of humanity and love here, even as we watch both deteriorate through most of the film. Driver and Johansson are terrific. 

2. Uncut Gems

A24 made a movie starring Adam Sandler centered around the outcome of a 2012 Boston Celtics playoff game that co-starred Lakeith Stanfield. If you didn’t know this movie existed, you’d think it came from a dream I had. It did not. Tense, tight, terrifying and hilarious, I saw this twice in theaters and will see it again. This is the Josh and Benny Safdie’s Goodfellas, and they will win an Oscar in 20 years for a movie that is less daring and less original and we will all look back on this year as the moment we failed to realize the torch had been passed. 

1. The Farewell

The Farewell starts by announcing it is “Based on an actual lie” and from those opening frames you know you’re in masterful hands. A heart-wrenchingly sweet and somber film filled with humor and honesty, it is the story of a family choosing to hide the matriarch’s cancer diagnosis from her so she can live out her final days without the anxiety and stress of knowing. Awkwafina, in a wonderful performance playing against type, is the Chinese-American granddaughter who struggles to find her place in the narrative her family is creating, torn between her ties to her Chinese heritage and American identity, feeling like the other in both worlds she inhabits. I have been unable to shake many moments in this film from my mind and would wholeheartedly recommend to anyone and everyone I know. It will not disappoint.

[anomitafics]

omg i lost the ask but i managed to copy it from my phone!

anon asked: Hi! I was wondering if you could do a Levi x reader where the reader is always nice and caring towards everybody, especially Levi because she sees how hurt he’s been in the past. Her kindness always confuses him so he pushes her away and during one expedition everything went wrong and he finds her dead body and just stares at it while breaking inside. Totally understand if you can’t or don’t want to! Thank you!

Hi dearie! Thank you for requesting! And yes I’m alive I am so sorry for my almost 1 year hiatus:)

Requested Oneshot

Word Count: 4260

Genre: Angst

Synopsis: Wherein Levi thinks about the possibilities of a Lifetime.

Was there a lifetime waiting for us…

In a world where I was yours?

Levi eyed the young female who silently sat beside him. The night breeze gently blowing away her delicate [c] hair as her shinning [c] eyes reflected the moon above them.

The ride was bumpy yet everyone were too tired to even care.

Some were asleep as they were too exhausted from the fight against Kenny’s squad, and some, along with Levi find it hard to even blink as everything had just been too surreal.

A massive ���lump of skin’ as the stern captain called it, was crawling itself ahead to the wall.

And as nights were usually chilly, tonight was an exception, for the Titan’s steam had served as a giant convector.

Levi can still feel the faint aches in his ankle, and the bumpy ride home, along with his other multiple scratches and wounds weren’t helping.

And yet though the male captain was hurting both inside out, he can still feel the overwhelming sense of peace radiating within him as he felt her presence alive and well on his beside.

Like a fire left amidst winter, fighting the cold cruel gusts of snow and wind.

Closing his steal colored eyes, Levi couldn’t help but reminisce some memories that had always lingered at the back of his mind.

Memories that had never left no matter how hard he tried to submerge it within the confines of his chaotic work.

He never understood why those memories never faded, why he would always find himself remembering in the middle of his sleepless nights. Feeling the slightest bit of nostalgia as he did.

He never understood, yet he never complained.

I was scared to lose you then, But secrets turn into regrets, Buried feelings grow, Oh, you were a good dream.

The skies were low and dark that day. The thick clouds, grey as the stones he pulled from the quarry, gave the monochromatic world outside a claustrophobic feel.

By this time of day, the birds should have been singing and the horizon tinged with reds and pinks, oranges sometimes. But the weather was accountable as if to reflect the feelings of a certain soldier who have just lost his dearest friends in battle.

Under the shade of a giant tree stood Levi, among two huge stones, each engraved with the names: Isabel and Farlan.

He could smell the aroma of the freshly cut grass beneath his feet. Staring idly at his makeshift grave, he couldn’t help but let out a trembling sigh.

Don’t Regret.

Levi heard footsteps nearing him making his senses at high alert, yet he chose not to turn to the sound. He was just too tired to fight.

Even now he was fighting, fighting not to crumble down in front of his friends’ grave, as his legs were so close to giving in to gravity.

The footsteps continued, Levi hearing everytime it would step on the grass, until it halted, just a meter away from him.

“Levi… right?” it whispered, he could hear her voice trembling.

Other than a small noise of acknowledgement, Levi never said anything else.

“I’m sorry I followed you… it’s just… ” her voice continued trembling, eventually trailing off not being able to finish what she had wanted to say.

Clearing her throat, she attempted to start again, “It might rain and, I figured out you would make these for them, I just wanted to pay my respects.”

Levi remained silent as if the female was never really there. He could hear some small shuffling but he chose to ignore it.

(Y/N) started inching forward to the huge stones, kneeling infront of Isabel’s she couldn’t help but place a hand on her lips.

Tears started flowing as her small kneeled form started trembling along. Levi observed.

She gently placed a small pack of candy along with a hand picked rose, moving to Farlan’s, she placed another rose similar to the one at Isabel’s.

Levi noticed the small pack of candies and his eyes widened at the familiar wrapper.

“Isabel! Can’t you throw these in the right place?” Levi pointed out noticing a small pile of candy wrappers littering the table as he cleaned.

“Oh! Sorry Levi-bro! These are just so delicious I can’t stop eating them!”

So this is who it came from.

“I’m sorry, me and Isabel just started being friends and…” (Y/N) stood up as she continued, Levi could hear her small sniffs as she trembled:

“She always told me stories about you, never failing to express her admiration. And so after what happened, I knew I should go and meet you.”

Silence.

“Say Levi… Hope we could be great friends in the future!” turning her way to meet Levi’s gaze, she held out her hand smiling as tears continued to flow out of her shining [c] eyes.

_-_-_

“(Y/N)! Stop! The others are alerting them already!” Hange shouted as the Survey Corps’ soldiers ran in rampage and chaos.

The sounds of stressed horses neighing, bodies cracking as Titan’s munched down the soldiers one by one and the frantic yells of the frightened weren’t helping.

Commander Keith Shadis’s plan on having their HQ beyond the walls was backfiring hard. Titans begun appearing everywhere making it too late for everyone to react.

The other bases scattered around the forest were yet to be alerted about this, making (Y/N) stood to be the one to move.

“Many soldiers are still there! Don’t you care for them!”

Levi was still there.

“But its too…!!” Hange’s pleases were yet to be heard as (Y/N) made her horse gallop into the forest. Large steps were heard from the east, alerting the female of incoming titans from her left.

Just a little closer…

Finally arrived at her destination her eyes frantically darted everywhere in search of titans roaming around, yet unlike their side of the base, it was almost peaceful here.

And the titan’s coming from the east, she heard them, why was it so peaceful…?

“EVERYONE!! THE BASE HAD BEEN BREACHED! COMMAND TO RETREAT HAS BEEN DECLARED!” (Y/N) shouted making the squad leaders order their squads around.

Amidst all the havoc, (Y/N) searched for the male who had been her primary goal in fleeing to this scene.

He was no where in sight. The male still tended to be somewhat stubborn with following orders from his captain and so wasn’t he much in the social side, making the young female worry for his safety in times of these.

If things were to happen and he ended up in need of saving, nobody would even dare helping him.

That’s why if even if it costs her safety, even if the whole world were against him, even if no one would help him, she would and she’ll never think twice.

“Where’s Ackerman? Sir?!” (Y/N) asked Levi’s current squad leader only to be faced by trembling captain.

“H-he said he’d just be–”

“And you let him?! I’ll make sure this is reported once we’re back!” (Y/N) shouted clearly irritated at his incompetence.

This was why Levi wouldn’t follow orders.

And that’s when it dawned her, the Titans coming from the east was yet to even be spotted.

Making her horse gallop once more, she headed straight to the east.

Her hands dugged deeper into her horse’s reigns, she was unsure of what she was doing.

It may even cause her life, and yet she couldn’t find herself turning back and retreating along with the others.

Slicing the nape of the last titan seen, Levi hopped on to one of the giant trees filling the forest.

He plopped himself down as he sighed softly.

His gas was almost gone and his blades were all worn out as well. Someone might had already alerted everyone to retreat and it would be impossible for him to catch up to them without a horse.

'Guess I’ll be dying here… at least it felt good… having to protect humanity at least once.’

Slowly, Levi let his grip on his blades loosen.

As the blades fell, he closed his eyes, the scent of dried blood lingering in his nose.

Letting out a small, almost invisible smile, he let himself fall 50 feet from ground.

“LEVI!”

It all went so fast.

A second there he felt the slightest bit of fear rushing through his body as the air resisted his fall.

And then there he was, dangling mid air, as a familiar face managed to have grabbed his arm, now holding onto it as if her life depends on it.

'Stupid… I should be the one holding on to you like that.’

“ARE YOU CRAZY?! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!”

Levi stared, unable to comprehend the woman’s actions.

Why was she here?

Why was she so angry?

And was she… crying?

“Remember when you said you won’t ever do something that will lead you to regretting it afterwards?!” her breathing was ragged as tears fell one by one on her angry scrunched face, it was a sight Levi couldn’t ever get over with.

“Just now–! Just now if I were even a minute too late!!” (Y/N) hoisted Levi up, and as soon as she did, her finger landed square on his chest pushing his back against the tree as she continued:

“You might’ve regretted it! It might’ve been something you’ll regret for a lifetime Levi!”

“Why the hell are you so angry?” was his only reply. It was hushed and almost unfathomable, he knew she was right.

And up until now Levi knew that if he did die that day, he would’ve regretted it for a lifetime.

_-_-_

“The hell’s that?”

It was yet another chilly night, and Levi chose to take a short stroll around the Survey Corps’ HQ.

The latter couldn’t sleep and so here he was now, walking around, his feet leaving small tracks on the damp ground.

He couldn’t help but feel lighter than usual. Taking a walk with no gear strapped around his body was something he found really relaxing, aside from cleaning of course.

His tracks halted upon seeing a familiar figure hunched near a bush not to far from him.

Squinting his eyes he walked closer to the female, curious of what would’ve caught her attention.

And there, shaking behind the bush was a dog. Levi could smell the awful scent the mammal was giving off making him cover his nose with his hand and asking a question which made the hunched figure bounce in surprise.

“Its a… well…” (Y/N) was panicked in giving off an answer. She frantically thought of an answer that would save her from punishments but when her eyes met his, she knew it would’ve been a futile attempt to lie.

Thus hanging her head in dejection as she pleaded softly, “Please don’t tell anyone, I’ve been feeding it for days and it didn’t cause any trouble.”

Levi tutted as he continued to walk away from her. She was going to cry again, he could tell and he want anything but that.

The male had found out recently that the female was faint hearted and would cry even for the slightest of things.

Her crying was something Levi couldn’t handle. His usually stoic and aloof figure would instantly shatter as he grew frantic in search of a way to stop her from crying.

“Just do something about the damned smell. Fucking smells like shit.”

The night after that, Levi stumbled upon the young female seated at the corner of an empty stable, brushing the dog clean.

_-_-_

“Levi!” a soft voice called from behind the wooden door of the latter’s office.

Buried within the loads of paperworks towering the young captain’s desk, the only thing he could do was to mumble a “come in” as he could not stand up to get the door for who ever was on the other side.

“Working again Captain?!” (Y/N) exclaimed upon barging into Levi’s office.

Levi just hummed in reply, not even sparing a glance at the female who was now working herself through his small kitchen.

Not long had passed and the office was now filled with the pleasant smell of black tea, brewing.

Levi had a small smile plastered on his face as he continued to work overtime.

Every night, (Y/N) would always barge into his office as he worked overnight only to do small little things like making him tea and small snacks.

It became part of their usual. Levi never finding it irritating, only because she would leave as if she never was there in the first place, everything clean and organized, as they both shared the same sense of cleaning.

After a few more shuffling and the continuous whistle of the heated pot, a small teacup was now placed infront of him with a small clank.

Levi mumbled as small “Thanks” as he took a sip, the liquid instantly making him awake and livelier. Her tea always had suited his taste.

“Levi, I’ll bring these with me.” finally looking up from his work, Levi watched as (Y/N) carried a basket with her. It was his laundry.

“You don’t have to, I can take care of that.” he plainly said their eyes meeting in the process.

“No worries, being a captain is a lot of work, just do your job without dying for me that’s all I ask for.” and there she was again, leaving with his weeks worth of laundry with her.

“Wait.” It was the first time Levi stopped her before she could leave through the door, making her turn to him in a jumpy manner.

“Thanks…”

Silence filled the air as they stared at each other.

“Levi… ”

“The hell are you crying for?”

“…Levi…”

“The fuck! Stop crying, you’re staining my floor.”

“I’m not crying! You’re crying!”

“You’re crazy… ”

_-_-_

December 25th of year 847.

It was yet another busy day for the Survey Corps. Winter was already coming and the whole legion was yet to be prepared for the upcoming cold season.

Levi stood in front of his office barrack, cold wind grazing his form ever so often.

Amidst his body’s own battle against the scorching cold wind, he continued to stand tall, stuffing his hands within the confines of his long warm work suite. He was waiting for something.

It was his birthday and the latter knew that anytime soon his young captain would be greeting him. Popping up out of nowhere like how she always did.

Why was he waiting? He couldn’t help but furrow his brows as he was confused with himself.

Making one last look at his surroundings Levi decided to let it go and continue on with his usual endeavors.

He turned around, his boots making soft clanks on the wooden floor, and as Levi was nearing the door to his office, he noticed a red box on the doorway.

Sneaky as always.

A smile formed on his lips as he crouched down to reach the present.

To my Dearest Levi

Happy Birthday!

With much love,

(Y/N) (L/N)

Levi caressed her printed name on the card. He’d always loved how neat her handwriting was. His smile was bigger and more visible now. She had never failed to make him the happiest on his birthday since the day she arrived in his life.

Opening the door a warm hug, concealing all the cold feeling of being outside for even a short period of time had enveloped him. His smile was bigger.

“Levi!”

_-_-_-_-_

Tangled with another’s eyes, Never mind, you were never mine, Glimpse of me and you, Oh, you were a good dream.

“Levi?” her soft voice rang silently, lifting Levi up as he drowned within his sea of thoughts.

Cold steal eyes met her warm [c] orbs, each almost shining at the sight of the other.

Levi felt something within him, he couldn’t quite fathom, yet it was a pleasant one. For the first time he felt safe within the confines of her warm gaze.

“We’ve gone so far from where we were before… don’t you think?” (Y/N) couldn’t quite determine whether she was talking about humanity or something else, but she felt the need to let it out otherwise.

The horses’ continuous hooves meeting with the ground beneath filled the silence surrounding their wagon.

(Y/N) had already anticipated Levi’s usual lack of replies and had already expected him to just make a noise of acknowledgment and such.

The reason why the latter had the slightest look of shock visible in her gentle visage as he said:

“We did… so you better hang in there til’ the end and its all over, (Y/N).”

I’d spend a lifetime waiting in vain, Just to go back to the way we were before.

Days had passed since one of their young cadets named Historia had finally been crowned queen. The people of the walls couldn’t help but express diverse reactions about the sudden change of rulers.

Yet it didn’t stop the Survey Corps from fulfilling another important task, one that was the root of several of their latest expeditions. Finally, they were to know about the truth, the truth hidden within the basement of Grisha Jaeger.

Unlike any other expeditions, today was the first time they were acknowledged and celebrated by their own people, and this made the soldiers leave with pride and solidity in every step they make.

And yet here they were, ambushed and trapped by several of titans controlled by the beast. Behind them was the armored titan, climbing the walls for the purpose of either capturing Eren or slaughtering their horses to avoid them from fleeing.

Neither were they able to know the location of Bertholdt who can transform into the colossal titan at any moment much to their unfortune. They were caged at a dead end.

Everything was crumbling in front of their eyes, Erwin started to wonder whether he could even get to see the basement as he sought for a plan to turn things around for the survey corps.

(Y/N) stood beside Levi and the other squad captains, she could feel herself shaking and yet she fought the urge to crumble in front of her own squad, in front of Levi.

Just then, the smaller sized titans, all three to four meters tall, had started to run forward, each having diversely odd ways of running. (Y/N) could feel Levi’s figure stiffened at the sight.

“They’re moving! Multiple three to four meters approaching!” Hange was quick to announce the movements of their foe.

Erwin’s brows had furrowed deeper as he continued to think of ways to avoid the beast from having everything in his filthy hands.

The loud crunching of crushed cement, signaling that the Armored was already close in reaching the top where everyone stood, caused several gasps and cries from the soldiers around Erwin.

“Commander! The Armored Titan is close! And we still don’t know where Bertholdt is!” Armin shouted, Erwin blinking as he did.

“Yes, I know.” was his only reply.

(Y/N) could feel Levi’s restlessness radiating through his body, reaching out, she soothed the male’s arm, causing his frown to cease a little.

Erwin’s small intake of air, gesturing the start of his commands had Levi speaking before Erwin could even start.

It was his own way to at least ease the stress and burden he knew Erwin was going through right now.

“Are you finally ready to say something? I could’ve had breakfast during the wait.”

(Y/N)’s eyes went wide as she was able to catch up with Levi’s humor, yet she couldn’t bring herself to laugh, her own fear of the current situation wouldn’t let her.

Instead, she bumped her shoulder against Levi’s, cliche as it was, the small gesture had the corner of Levi’s lips slightly twitching upward.

No one dared to look at the other.

“Dirk Squad and (Y/N) Squad, eliminate all of the smaller Titans before they get to the horses.”

Hearing her orders, (Y/N) started arranging and testing her gear as she gestured her squad to do the same.

Levi’s eyes continued to observe her in his peripheral.

This was it, if they both were able to finish their orders alive, everything will be back to normal, they’d even be able to go through beyond, this was a quest of truth after all.

“Levi Squad and Hange Squad, you’ll be battling with the Armored Titan. Engage the Thunder Spears according to plan, Protect Eren at all cost.” Erwin’s booming voice commanded, the rest of the squads discussing their own orders.

A sudden gust of cool wind, blew the scouts’ coats, making them dance through the air, the symbol of the wings of freedom waiting to be freed.

“This day! This Battle!”

“Humanity’s safety is at sake!”

“Once again! My Soldiers! Dedicate your Hearts!”

Everyone was in need of those words, and so once again, dedicating their hearts for humanity, the soldiers flew free in quest of truth.

Reaching on the ground, (Y/N) had instantly started to engage with their mindless foes, her squad diligently following behind her.

They needed to settle everything before the beast decides on making his next move.

“Finish killing the smaller ones already!”

That voice…

(Y/N) landed on one of the roofs as she watched the onyx haired captain order everyone around.

“Get done before the beast titan decides to move!”

She could feel her heart skip a beat as his cold steal eyes met with hers.

“And no casualties! Don’t you dare die!”

“Yes sir!” everyone shouted as they run all in different directions.

(Y/N) watched as her entire squad struggled to deal with the small titans, they were close to killing every last one of the Titans on the West side, yet half of the kills were done by her blades.

Clearly, the Survey Corps wasn’t as strong as they were before.

Her blades were all worn out, she needed to refill yet she also couldn’t leave her squad behind.

“Leave them to me, go and replace those worthless blades.”

“Levi!” landing on her side, Levi watched as one of her cadets tumbled as he landed on the roof, nearly having himself as titan food.

“Hurry, we don’t know how much time we have 'til that ape does something shitty.” Levi gestured to the Beast Titan’s direction using one of his blades.

“Those are worn out as well.” (Y/N) pointed out, noticing the blade he used to emphasize the beast, taking note that the latter only has 1 pair of spare blades.

“You simply can’t help but stuck your nose on to others business can’t you?” withdrawing the blades to his sides, Levi rested both of his hands on his hips.

“Can’t you say it any nicer? Like, 'You really care about people don’t you?’ or something?” mimicking Levi’s actions, (Y/N) also had her hands on her waist as she faced him.

“It means the same thing doesn’t it? Now go.”

Smiling to herself, (Y/N) then flew above the walls. Levi watching as she did.

He didn’t know what was happening, one moment he was ordering the cadets around, (Y/N) who had just came back from getting blades was beside him.

She was just there, smiling like how she always used to. The next thing he knows he was running, he was chasing. As rocks of different shape flew around him, he didn’t care. He was breathlessly begging from who was there up above that she was safe.

“Why had I let you go… Damn it..!”

He was panicking, his brain was in chaos, he was frustrated, he was angry, irritated…. But among those emotions one stood out. He was scared.

Scared that he’d loose her before having to tell her his feelings.

Scared that as he neared the alley in which he saw her fell, he’d see her lifeless body.

Scared that he’d have to go through this again.

Scared that it was HER this time.

“Did you know…?” He wonders.

He fell on his knees, he couldn’t go any closer.

Levi heard a loud deafening scream, his thoughts were silent, too silent. The scream was his.

'Did you know that you weren’t going to make it?

He looked up, as tears went down his widened eyes, cursing the ones from above. He couldn’t breathe.

Did you know you were going to have given everything you had because you weren’t going to be with me afterward?’

Was it the wrong time, what if we tried…? Giving in a little more? To the warmth we had before.

She was his first friend.

His first comrade.

His first opponent.

And no matter how hard he pushed her away because of her confusingly kind actions, he couldn’t help but be fond of her because of it.

She was different.

His relationship with her was different and they both know it.

It was different from his and Erwin’s.

His and Hange’s.

His and his comrades…

It was a deeper and fuller relationship, it might’ve been love but they both knew it wasn’t the right lifetime.

But he couldn’t help but think, what if they did give it a try?

What if they did gave into the warmth?

Would she still be by my side?

Would she still be here?

He couldn’t help but think, he couldn’t help but regret.

As he stared at her lifeless body infront of him.

She was his first love.

And the most torturous of his millions of heartbreaks.

Is there a lifetime waiting for us? All this time, I have been yours.

[readbookywooks]

14 My eyes follow the line of her finger up into the foliage above me. At first, I have no idea what she's pointing to, but then, about fifteen feet up, I make out the vague shape in the dimming light. But of. of what? Some sort of animal? It looks about the size of a raccoon, but it hangs from the bottom of a branch, swaying ever so slightly. There's something else. Among the familiar evening sounds of the woods, my ears register a low hum. Then I know. It's a wasp nest. Fear shoots through me, but I have enough sense to keep still. After all, I don't know what kind of wasp lives there. It could be the ordinary leave-us-alone-and-we'll-leave-you-alone type. But these are the Hunger Games, and ordinary isn't the norm. More likely they will be one of the Capitol's muttations, tracker jackers. Like the jabberjays, these killer wasps were spawned in a lab and strategically placed, like land mines, around the districts during the war. Larger than regular wasps, they have a distinctive solid gold body and a sting that raises a lump the size of a plum on contact. Most people can't tolerate more than a few stings. Some die at once. If you live, the hallucinations brought on by the venom have actually driven people to madness. And there's another thing, these wasps will hunt down anyone who disturbs their nest and attempt to kill them. That's where the tracker part of the name comes from. After the war, the Capitol destroyed all the nests surrounding their city, but the ones near the districts were left untouched. Another reminder of our weakness, I suppose, just like the Hunger Games. Another reason to keep inside the fence of District 12. When Gale and I come across a tracker jacker nest, we immediately head in the opposite direction. So is that what hangs above me? I look back to Rue for help, but she's melted into her tree. Given my circumstances, I guess it doesn't matter what type of wasp nest it is. I'm wounded and trapped. Darkness has given me a brief reprieve, but by the time the sun rises, the Careers will have formulated a plan to kill me. There's no way they could do otherwise after I've made them look so stupid. That nest may be the sole option I have left. If I can drop it down on them, I may be able to escape. But I'll risk my life in the process. Of course, I'll never be able to get in close enough to the actual nest to cut it free. I'll have to saw off the branch at the trunk and send the whole thing down. The serrated portion of my knife should be able to manage that. But can my hands? And will the vibration from the sawing raise the swarm? And what if the Careers figure out what I'm doing and move their camp? That would defeat the whole purpose. I realize that the best chance I'll have to do the sawing without drawing notice will be during the anthem. That could begin any time. I drag myself out of my bag, make sure my knife is secured in my belt, and begin to make my way up the tree. This in itself is dangerous since the branches are becoming precariously thin even for me, but I persevere. When I reach the limb that supports the nest, the humming becomes more distinctive. But it's still oddly subdued if these are tracker jackers. It's the smoke, I think. It's sedated them. This was the one defense the rebels found to battle the wasps. The seal of the Capitol shines above me and the anthem blares out. It's now or never, I think, and begin to saw. Blisters burst on my right hand as I awkwardly drag the knife back and forth. Once I've got a groove, the work requires less effort but is almost more than I can handle. I grit my teeth and saw away occasionally glancing at the sky to register that there were no deaths today. That's all right. The audience will be sated seeing me injured and treed and the pack below me. But the anthem's running out and I'm only three quarters of the way through the wood when the music ends, the sky goes dark, and I'm forced to stop. Now what? I could probably finish off the job by sense of feel but that may not be the smartest plan. If the wasps are too groggy, if the nest catches on its way down, if I try to escape, this could all be a deadly waste of time. Better, I think, to sneak up here at dawn and send the nest into my enemies. In the faint light of the Careers' torches, I inch back down to my fork to find the best surprise I've ever had. Sitting on my sleeping bag is a small plastic pot attached to a silver parachute. My first gift from a sponsor! Haymitch must have had it sent in during the anthem. The pot easily fits in the palm of my hand. What can it be? Not food surely. I unscrew the lid and I know by the scent that it's medicine. Cautiously, I probe the surface of the ointment. The throbbing in my fingertip vanishes. "Oh, Haymitch," I whisper. "Thank you." He has not abandoned me. Not left me to fend entirely for myself. The cost of this medicine must be astronomical. Probably not one but many sponsors have contributed to buy this one tiny pot. To me, it is priceless. I dip two fingers in the jar and gently spread the balm over my calf. The effect is almost magical, erasing the pain on contact, leaving a pleasant cooling sensation behind. This is no herbal concoction that my mother grinds up out of woodland plants, it's high-tech medicine brewed up in the Capitol's labs. When my calf is treated, I rub a thin layer into my hands. After wrapping the pot in the parachute, I nestle it safely away in my pack. Now that the pain has eased, it's all I can do to reposition myself in my bag before I plunge into sleep. A bird perched just a few feet from me alerts me that a new day is dawning. In the gray morning light, I examine my hands. The medicine has transformed all the angry red patches to a soft baby-skin pink. My leg still feels inflamed, but that burn was far deeper. I apply another coat of medicine and quietly pack up my gear. Whatever happens, I'm going to have to move and move fast. I also make myself eat a cracker and a strip of beef and drink a few cups of water. Almost nothing stayed in my stomach yesterday, and I'm already starting to feel the effects of hunger. Below me, I can see the Career pack and Peeta asleep on the ground. By her position, leaning up against the trunk of the tree, I'd guess Glimmer was supposed to be on guard, but fatigue overcame her. My eyes squint as they try to penetrate the tree next to me, but I can't make out Rue. Since she tipped me off, it only seems fair to warn her. Besides, if I'm going to die today, it's Rue I want to win. Even if it means a little extra food for my family, the idea of Peeta being crowned victor is unbearable. I call Rue's name in a hushed whisper and the eyes appear, wide and alert, at once. She points up to the nest again. I hold up my knife and make a sawing motion. She nods and disappears. There's a rustling in a nearby tree. Then the same noise again a bit farther off. I realize she's leaping from tree to tree. It's all I can do not to laugh out loud. Is this what she showed the Gamemakers? I imagine her flying around the training equipment never touching the floor. She should have gotten at least a ten. Rosy streaks are breaking through in the east. I can't afford to wait any longer. Compared to the agony of last night's climb, this one is a cinch. At the tree limb that holds the nest, I position the knife in the groove and I'm about to draw the teeth across the wood when I see something moving. There, on the nest. The bright gold gleam of a tracker jacker lazily making its way across the papery gray surface. No question, it's acting a little subdued, but the wasp is up and moving and that means the others will be out soon as well. Sweat breaks out on the palms of my hands, beading up through the ointment, and I do my best to pat them dry on my shirt. If I don't get through this branch in a matter of seconds, the entire swarm could emerge and attack me. There's no sense in putting it off. I take a deep breath, grip the knife handle and bear down as hard as I can. Back, forth, back, forth! The tracker jackers begin to buzz and I hear them coming out. Back, forth, back, forth! A stabbing pain shoots through my knee and I know one has found me and the others will be honing in. Back, forth, back, forth. And just as the knife cuts through, I shove the end of the branch as far away from me as I can. It crashes down through the lower branches, snagging temporarily on a few but then twisting free until it smashes with a thud on the ground. The nest bursts open like an egg, and a furious swarm of tracker jackers takes to the air. I feel a second sting on the cheek, a third on my neck, and their venom almost immediately makes me woozy. I cling to the tree with one arm while I rip the barbed stingers out of my flesh. Fortunately, only these three tracker jackers had identified me before the nest went down. The rest of the insects have targeted their enemies on the ground. It's mayhem. The Careers have woken to a full-scale tracker jacker attack. Peeta and a few others have the sense to drop everything and bolt. I can hear cries of "To the lake! To the lake!" and know they hope to evade the wasps by taking to the water. It must be close if they think they can outdistance the furious insects. Glimmer and another girl, the one from District 4, are not so lucky. They receive multiple stings before they're even out of my view. Glimmer appears to go completely mad, shrieking and trying to bat the wasps off with her bow, which is pointless. She calls to the others for help but, of course, no one returns. The girl from District 4 staggers out of sight, although I wouldn't bet on her making it to the lake. I watch Glimmer fall, twitch hysterically around on the ground for a few minutes, and then go still. The nest is nothing but an empty shell. The wasps have vanished in pursuit of the others. I don't think they'll return, but I don't want to risk it. I scamper down the tree and hit the ground running in the opposite direction of the lake. The poison from the stingers makes me wobbly, but I find my way back to my own little pool and submerge myself in the water, just in case any wasps are still on my trail. After about five minutes, I drag myself onto the rocks. People have not exaggerated the effects of the tracker jacker stings. Actually, the one on my knee is closer to an orange than a plum in size. A foul-smelling green liquid oozes from the places where I pulled out the stingers. The swelling. The pain. The ooze. Watching Glimmer twitching to death on the ground. It's a lot to handle before the sun has even cleared the horizon. I don't want to think about what Glimmer must look like now. Her body disfigured. Her swollen fingers stiffening around the bow. The bow! Somewhere in my befuddled mind one thought connects to another and I'm on my feet, teetering through the trees back to Glimmer. The bow. The arrows. I must get them. I haven't heard the cannons fire yet, so perhaps Glimmer is in some sort of coma, her heart still struggling against the wasp venom. But once it stops and the cannon signals her death, a hovercraft will move in and retrieve her body, taking the only bow and sheath of arrows I've seen out of the Games for good. And I refuse to let them slip through my fingers again! I reach Glimmer just as the cannon fires. The tracker jackers have vanished. This girl, so breathtakingly beautiful in her golden dress the night of the interviews, is unrecognizable. Her features eradicated, her limbs three times their normal size. The stinger lumps have begun to explode, spewing putrid green liquid around her. I have to break several of what used to be her fingers with a stone to free the bow. The sheath of arrows is pinned under her back. I try to roll over her body by pulling on one arm, but the flesh disintegrates in my hands and I fall back on the ground. Is this real? Or have the hallucinations begun? I squeeze my eyes tight and try to breathe through my mouth, ordering myself not to become sick. Breakfast must stay down, it might be days before I can hunt again. A second cannon fires and I'm guessing the girl from District 4 has just died. I hear the birds fall silent and then one give the warning call, which means a hovercraft is about to appear. Confused, I think it's for Glimmer, although this doesn't quite make sense because I'm still in the picture, still fighting for the arrows. I lurch back onto my knees and the trees around me begin to spin in circles. In the middle of the sky, I spot the hovercraft. I throw myself over Glimmer's body as if to protect it but then I see the girl from District 4 being lifted into the air and vanishing. "Do this!" I command myself. Clenching my jaw, I dig my hands under Glimmer's body, get a hold on what must be her rib cage, and force her onto her stomach. I can't help it, I'm hyperventilating now, the whole thing is so nightmarish and I'm losing my grasp on what's real. I tug on the silver sheath of arrows, but it's caught on something, her shoulder blade, something, and finally yank it free. I've just encircled the sheath with my arms when I hear the footsteps, several pairs, coming through the underbrush, and I realize the Careers have come back. They've come back to kill me or get their weapons or both. But it's too late to run. I pull a slimy arrow from the sheath and try to position it on the bowstring but instead of one string I see three and the stench from the stings is so repulsive I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I'm helpless as the first hunter crashes through the trees, spear lifted, poised to throw. The shock on Peeta's face makes no sense to me. I wait for the blow. Instead his arm drops to his side. "What are you still doing here?" he hisses at me. I stare uncomprehendingly as a trickle of water drips off a sting under his ear. His whole body starts sparkling as if he's been dipped in dew. "Are you mad?" He's prodding me with the shaft of the spear now. "Get up! Get up!" I rise, but he's still pushing at me. What? What is going on? He shoves me away from him hard. "Run!" he screams. "Run!" Behind him, Cato slashes his way through the brush. He's sparkling wet, too, and badly stung under one eye. I catch the gleam of sunlight on his sword and do as Peeta says. Holding tightly to my bow and arrows, banging into trees that appear out of nowhere, tripping and falling as I try to keep my balance. Back past my pool and into unfamiliar woods. The world begins to bend in alarming ways. A butterfly balloons to the size of a house then shatters into a million stars. Trees transform to blood and splash down over my boots. Ants begin to crawl out of the blisters on my hands and I can't shake them free. They're climbing up my arms, my neck. Someone's screaming, a long high pitched scream that never breaks for breath. I have a vague idea it might be me. I trip and fall into a small pit lined with tiny orange bubbles that hum like the tracker jacker nest. Tucking my knees up to my chin, I wait for death. Sick and disoriented, I'm able to form only one thought: Peeta Mellark just saved my life. Then the ants bore into my eyes and I black out.